I don’t think there was ever an “aha!” moment in which I knew I wanted to be a teacher, but rather a collection of experiences that led me on this path. There were some obvious things of course, like having multiple family members who are teachers, and a strong emphasis on education growing up. Just as we teach who we are, many times who we are is a product of what we see and know. I always admired the teachers in my family, and while I knew the struggles with the profession, I also knew how important and amazing it could be. The “known quantity” aspect of it definitely helped. I also just felt good whenever I helped someone – in class or otherwise – and more than anything I love the feeling in learning when you really come to understand something for the first time. If I can help students reach that feeling then it’ll all be worth it.
Throughout EDUC394 there were so many topics that really made me think about how I was educated, the status quo, and what education is going to look like into the future. I think one of the most impactful things we talked about was the importance of grades, or rather the unimportance of grades. I especially found Alfie Kohn’s article very interesting, and thought it made some excellent points about motivation and the “why” of learning. Personally, my initial reaction to the idea of (mostly) not using grades was shock/horror. It was only when I earnestly read the material on why this is being considered that things started to take shape. I found that my ties to the grading system were almost acting like an unhealthy coping system, and honestly I can say that my relationship with grades has a lot to do with many of the bad habits I’ve picked up in my life. The pursuit of grades – rather than learning – creates a culture in which you only need to do the things to get the grade, anything more would be a “waste of time”, and therefore we’re teaching students to do something for a result (the grade) rather than progress (learning). This led to conversations with friends about “what is an A/B/C?” and the only conclusion we could make is that for each of us, grades were given out in similar subjects with wildly different expectations. How is this fair for students, or for teachers? There is always subjectivity in life, but trying to force work done into letter grade and judging everyone at the same standard is nearly impossible. Perhaps the most difficult aspect to overcome was my own longing for grades. Even now, I find myself frustrated that we don’t get many concrete letter grades back, but I’ve come to realise that the main reason I’m upset is because I’ve used those grades as a form of validation for so long that I struggle to attribute worth to my own work without that grade attached. This is so dangerous for the confidence of our students, and combatting it is worth every moment of discomfort felt by dialing back the amount of grades we use.
Instead of pointing to a bunch of details, I think the thing that I thought the most about throughout this block between all my courses was willingness to change. One of the tough parts about having educators in the family and generally doing well in school is that it is much harder to see the problems with the education system when it did not fail you. I succeeded in the system we currently have, but many of my classmates did not, and that is something that I know that I have to address seriously. Whether it be the full incorporation of Indigenous knowledge as an equally respected body of knowledge in our education, or the understanding that neurodivergence is not a fault of the person, but instead the fault of the system for not providing the environment that is required, our education system has a long way to go. Change is difficult in such a big system, but constantly convincing yourself of the idea that “we can’t do that” only harms educators, students, and society as a whole.
I am far from perfect, and admittedly there are many times when I fear that I am not good enough to be a teacher. It is when I remember that we learn from failure so much more than success that I truly gain the confidence that things will work out. Many of the things that I thought were weaknesses of mine actually end up being strengths as a teacher. For example, I’ve always struggled to commit to just one or two hobbies/interests, and as a result I know some stuff about a lot of things, but am not really an expert in anything. The result of this however, means that I’ve found myself able to talk to a bunch of students easily since a lot of the time I have some idea of what they’re talking about. I also have always been a bit overtalkative, which got me into trouble many times as a young kid. Well, I’m going to be a lot of talking as a teacher, and I guess that was just practice!
One of the things that’s been sticking in the back of my mind for much of the semester has been whether I’ll ever really reach a point where I’m satisfied with the way teaching is done. I know that we’ll be learning about lesson plans and assessment and other fun things soon, and that there is so much change going on that is so positive, but I can’t help but wonder what will happen in the future. I feel like we’re nearing a tipping point in education, and I just hope that educators are at the forefront of what is to come. System overhaul isn’t exactly something that’s easy, but if I can change my mind on what I think is good pedagogy, why can’t society around me do the same?
Basically, throughout the last few years and especially this last semester, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I believe to be true and confronting whether those beliefs hold true still. It is easy to be set in your ways and just keep chuggin’ on, but that’s not how I want to do things. It’s with that in mind that I set my essential question for myself:
What do I need to learn, unlearn, and renew?
